I got married yesterday.

I kept this big news shrouded from most, and I can't really tell you why other than the obvious truth...

People have opinions about a woman getting married 23 months after her husband left for heaven. Shoot...I have opinions about being married 23 months after my marriage ended without warning. Mostly, the judgement and lack of approval sounds like silence.

Lemme say more.

I didn't have many people come right out and tell me they questioned my love timeline. Deciding to date. Choosing to fall in love. Engaged...and eventually married. Mostly, it's people who grow silent, people who don't respond to texts when you tell them you are getting married, people who I think subscribe to, "I don't have something nice to say, so I won't say anything."

When Jeff & I decided to get married, I didn't want one thing to spoil the specialness, so I kept the news pretty quiet. But I'm not made of armor. The silence from some people I chose to share the news with was tough. That silence isn't about me. It's their grief, and that's also not mine to manage. 

The only opinions that matter at all belong to our children. 

Day 1 of being a wife for the second time has me feeling a lot. I know I'm not the first woman to find love in the depths of grieving a pretty terrific husband. Not the first to miraculously marry for a second time. But it was a first for me. And as I said yesterday, "If I have any say in the matter, I hope to never do this again." That's my wish. I don't ever want to get married again. 

I have fallen deeply in love twice. And yesterday, when Jeff & I married, it severed no bond I treasure with Geoff. I am a wife to a man in Heaven & a wife to a man here. And it's not at all weird. 

Let's get into some of the details.

We kept it pretty small...54 including us. We also threw it together in about 3 months, which is possible when you forego a lot of the wedding hoopla. We opted for no flowers, zero wedding party, standard linens, no gift registry, and I bought a dress about 2 weeks before the big day. 

We did the entire event in a small room, with guests seated at reception tables. We picked some walk down the aisle music the night before, had no rehearsal, and insisted on a noon start time so we could be in bed at a reasonable hour. 

Lemme just say that cutting out all the hoopla was a glorious way to have nothing to stress about. We woke up that morning, had coffee outside like we always do, and got dressed for the big day. I did hire a hair and makeup lady bc I don't know the first thing about how to look like a proper bride. It was money well spent. 

I can't write this post from the perspective of what it's like to remarry as a divorced woman. I'm in the unique position of being in love with someone other than the groom. But everything about getting married yesterday felt perfect. I have never felt more seen, understood, accepted, loved & protected than I did making a promise to love Jeff Heald long after one of us leaves this world. 

Because death doesn't sever a marriage...it simply redefines the boundaries.

I'm sure many are wondering if I was full of emotions, and I was surprisingly at peace yesterday. What a gift that was. I missed my dad...a lot. He didn't get to walk me down the aisle, and that was a tough detail to reconcile. But Owen did, and that's where my emotions leaked out. 

The protective nature this 16 year old boy has for his mama is palpable, and it's why I love this photo. He slid right into my dad's shoes and I know Owen's grandad is smiling in Heaven. 

When I married Geoff Hayball, the focus was on me. Yesterday, it was about us. Moreover, as much as joy filled that reception room, the ache of missing their dad was just under the surface, and more than once, they whispered to me, 

"I miss dad."

It would be impossible to not feel his absence on such a significant occasion. And I'm not the lady who will push that to the fringes...ever. Because a cornerstone of this healing life is allowing that ache to be joy's constant companion. Thank goodness feelings aren't mutually exclusive. 

A couple week ago, I was talking to Geoff in the car- as I often do- on my way home from the gym. I simply said, "Hey babe, I'm getting married soon. I'm pretty sure you already know, but I have a favor to ask. I need your blessing."

The drive home from the gym is about 10 minutes, and before I reached my driveway, a song shuffled through my Spotify playlist called, "Tuesdays", by Jake Scott. I had never heard it before. I encourage you to listen to the entire song, but I want to highlight these lyrics...

No, it's not Hollywood's sign
'Cause troubles will come
But it's the best decision you're ever gonna make
And you've got my blessing
But just hear this lesson
27 years and all I've gotta say

This sign was no surprise. Geoff Hayball has been sending his love in big & obvious ways since he changed his address to heaven. But I can't explain the reassurance & relief this song delivered. I knew- without a doubt- that Geoff is hugely happy I have found love. A love big enough to not just carry me, but also his children. 

Thank you, babe. 

As Jeff & I brushed our teeth last night, I hugged him and said something like, "Today was perfect, and I'm so glad it's over." I loved being surrounded by the people who love us fiercely. I loved spending an afternoon with the friends & family who helped me feel alive again. Loved meeting the people that fostered Jeff's patience and quiet kindness. 

But I am also ready to get back to living a simple life in the woods, just loving this gift of a man. That's really when the marriage begins.

These last two pics were taken just after we were married. I immediately wanted our kids with us...because they are us. I love the hope & promise that's captured in these images. Blending a family- also something I know next to nothing about & learning as I go, but I am hugely in awe of these kids who are supporting, trusting, accepting & loving the best they know how. 

We have a little more than a day of married life under our belts, and so far, no complaints. A little tired, but man, so much damn love. 

keep going.