Nobody wants front row funeral seats
I had someone take pictures. I knew I wouldn't remember most of what happened the day we said goodbye to my 45 year old husband.
I had the lights raised before I spoke so I could look out & burn into memory the people who were part of this sacred day.
If you've sat in these seats. If you've worn my expression. If you've returned home and then thought, "Now what?"...
you have landed in the right spot.
I Wish You Weren't Here...
Let me explain.
Being here probably means someone you love very much had to leave, & everything about that sucks.
It was impossible for me to stay the same after Geoff died. That's the crazy part of this twilight zone life...
everything looks the same & nothing is the same.
It was too hard to show up in the same places, with the same people, attempting the same things...so I stopped.
I disappeared from my life
- I left my yoga studio of 12 years and joined a new one
- I didn't answer phone calls or reply to texts
- I went days without seeing anyone besides my parents & children
And I grew & changed.
I also held on for dear life as the people fell away. I learned it wasn't my unique experience. Every griever I met spoke of the loneliness when their support system scattered like leaves.
I read this once...
"I thought I had a lot of friends. I really just knew a lot of people."
This became glaringly true the first year of widowhood.
You are the architect of what's next
- Your life may feel like a distant dream as you sit in the center of an existence you don't recognize.
- Nobody can do this work for you. All of this is an inside job, and I have a secret...you are fully equipped.
This is your second act
You decide what & who comes along. Because of this journey, I have a brand new support system full of women just like me.
This will be the most courageous, sacred, grueling, rewarding work you'll ever do.
Step forward.
I am Ashley Hayball-Heald
